After her first English class, Lan sends a message to a new friend: The teacher was too nice. I was too happy! She wants to say it was a lovely day. Her friend writes back: Oh no. What was the problem?
There was no problem. Lan used too, and in English too usually brings a problem with it. She needed so. And on the morning of the next class, when her hands are cold, she needs a third small word, a little. This page puts the three words side by side, so you can pick the right volume for a feeling.
(Quotes in curly marks are from the podcast episode linked at the end. Sentences in italics are written for this page unless they are marked as quotes.)
When too turns a nice sentence into a complaint
Too means “more than is good” or “more than you can handle”. That is why it sounds like a problem. So means “very much”, and you can use it for good things and bad things.
| Often said | What the other person hears | Better |
|---|---|---|
| The cake is too delicious. | There is a problem with the cake. | This cake is so good. |
| I’m too happy to see you. | A strange sentence: is something wrong? | I’m so happy to see you. |
| My boss is too kind. | I wish he were less kind. | My boss is so kind. |
| The soup is so salty. I can’t eat it. | It is a strong feeling, but no clear problem. | The soup is too salty. |
Notice the last row. The soup really is a problem, and too is the word that says “this is more than I want”. In the episode, the problem word comes with a price: “It’s too expensive.” (18:30) Nobody is happy about it. A few seconds later the same bowl arrives and the feeling is warm: “This is so good.” (18:46) Same speaker, same lunch, two different words, and the choice says exactly how she feels.
So: a strong feeling that you are happy to show
Use so when you want your voice to go up. It works with good news, with small surprises and with plain facts: It’s so cold today. I’m so tired. I’m so happy for you.
In the podcast Emily and Paul say “I’m so happy for you.” (27:00) when a friend gets a new job, and Paul answers “I can say this one out loud too.” (27:05). That is the right place for so: you want the other person to hear that you mean it. You can also use so for a small problem when you are not asking anyone to fix it: It’s so crowded in here. (the bus stop in the episode, 10:26).
A little: the quiet end of the volume
Emily explains the idea in one line: “Notice how a little works like a volume knob. I’m so nervous is loud. I’m a little nervous is quiet.” (27:53) Paul answers that the quiet sentence is “the one I choose before calls.” (28:02)
Here is the same feeling at four volumes. A little and so are the two ends Emily names; the two in the middle are written for this page.
| Volume | Sentence | When you say it |
|---|---|---|
| quiet | I’m a little nervous. | You tell a friend before a call and you do not want to make it big. |
| plain | I’m nervous. | A simple fact. |
| strong | I’m really nervous. | You want the friend to take it seriously. |
| loud | I’m so nervous. | The feeling is big right now. |
A little is also a good friend for small problems. In the episode the noodles arrive and the first taste is not perfect: “It’s a little salty.” (18:54) Paul’s answer: “I’ll ask for water, not for a fight.” (18:59) A little salty means “I notice it, it is not a disaster”. If you say too salty, you are saying the bowl needs a change.
You can also put the two together: It’s a little too salty. That means “there is a problem, but I am saying it gently”. It is a good sentence for a café.
Three short chats
These are written for this page.
At the café
Waiter: How is the soup?
You: It’s good, but it’s a little salty.
Waiter: Oh, I’m sorry. I can bring you some water.
You: Thank you. That’s fine.
Before the call
Friend: Are you nervous about tomorrow?
You: A little. My hands are cold.
Friend: That’s normal. You’re ready.
You: I hope so. I’m so tired of waiting!
Good news
Friend: I got the job!
You: That’s wonderful! I’m so happy for you.
Friend: Thank you. It’s a little scary.
You: I know. But you’ll be great.
Look at what each word does. In the second chat the first answer is quiet (a little) and the second is a loud, tired joke (so tired of waiting). In the third chat your friend uses the quiet word for her own news because she is a little shy about it.
Why not just say very?
Very is safe: very good, very nervous, very expensive. You can use it every day and nobody will be confused. So is a little warmer and more spoken, and you hear it most with feelings. Too is the only one of the three that carries a problem. So the real choice is: do you want to say that something is strong (so or very), small (a little) or more than I want (too)?
Practice: pick the word, change the volume, fix the sentence
1. Choose so, too or a little
- Your friend passes an exam. You say: I’m ___ happy for you!
- The bus is full and you cannot move. You say: It’s ___ crowded. (a problem)
- You are almost ready for a call, but your hands are cold. You say: I’m ___ nervous.
- The coffee is hot and you cannot drink it yet. You say: It’s ___ hot.
- You taste the soup and it is nearly perfect. You say: It’s ___ salty. Can I have some water?
Answers
- so (a strong, happy feeling)
- too if you mean it is a problem for you (It’s too crowded); so is also possible for a loud comment (It’s so crowded).
- a little (a quiet feeling)
- too (you cannot drink it)
- a little (nearly perfect, one small problem)
2. Turn it down
Make each sentence quieter with a little.
- I’m tired.
- I’m cold.
- I’m busy.
- It’s expensive.
Sample answers
- I’m a little tired.
- I’m a little cold.
- I’m a little busy.
- It’s a little expensive. (You can also say It’s a little too expensive if you mean it costs more than you want to pay.)
3. Fix the sentence
Each sentence sounds like a complaint, but the speaker meant something nice. Write a better version.
- Your cooking is too good.
- I’m too excited about the trip.
- The film was too beautiful.
Sample answers
- Your cooking is so good.
- I’m so excited about the trip.
- The film was so beautiful. (Careful: too beautiful to describe is possible, because to describe shows what the “too” is about. Without it, too sounds like a problem.)
4. Say it out loud
Say these three sentences with three different volumes: whisper, normal, loud. Use the same feeling: I’m nervous. I’m a little nervous. I’m so nervous. Then say one sentence about your day with a little, one with so and one with too.
The three words on one card
- so = very much, a feeling you want people to hear (I’m so happy for you.)
- a little = quiet, small, not a disaster (I’m a little nervous. It’s a little salty.)
- too = more than I want, a problem to fix (It’s too expensive. It’s too loud.)
- Mix: a little too = a problem, said gently (It’s a little too salty.)
Hear it in a real conversation
Paul and Emily use all three words while they walk through one whole day in English, from the alarm clock to a voice message at night. Listen to the lunch (17:18) and the feelings part (25:00) in Think in English with 99 Easy Sentences: One Day from Alarm Clock to Voice Message.