It is ten o’clock at night. Tomorrow at nine you have something in English: a job interview, a phone call to the bank, a first class with a new teacher. You prepared. You even practiced out loud. And now a small voice says, Maybe you should cancel.
You pick up your phone to text a friend and then you stop, because you do not know how to say it. I am afraid sounds too big. I am nervous sounds too small. What you want to say is I decided to do this, and now I am not sure. English has a short phrase for exactly that, and it has a few more for the friend who answers you. This page gives you both sides.
(Quotes in curly marks are from the podcast episode linked at the end. Sentences in italics are written for this page unless they are marked as quotes.)
Three phrases for the night before: second thoughts, second-guessing, pulling it off
These three sound close, but each one tells your friend something a little different.
| Phrase | What it tells your friend | Use it when |
|---|---|---|
| I’m having second thoughts. | I decided, but now I am not sure. | You said yes to something and you want to say no. |
| I keep second-guessing myself. | I question my choice again and again. | You go round in circles: change, change back, change again. |
| I’m not sure I can pull this off. | I doubt that I can do something hard. | The worry is about your ability, not about the decision. |
In the podcast, Leo uses all three the day before his job interview. He starts with “I’m having second thoughts about tomorrow.” A little later he says he keeps second-guessing himself, and at the end of the list he adds: “I’m just not sure I can pull this off.” In the episode, to pull something off means to succeed at something hard.
A useful small habit is to name the voice when you hear it. Leo does it near the end of the chat: “Maybe I’m talking myself out of it.” To talk yourself out of something means to stop yourself from doing it, and saying it aloud is already a small step back from it.
What a friend can say, and what does not help
When a friend says I’m having second thoughts, the first reply is usually Don’t worry! It is kind and it does very little. A good reply does three things: it takes the doubt seriously, it gives a fact, and it makes the next step small.
| A reply | Does it help? | A better reply |
|---|---|---|
| Don’t worry! | Not much. It tells your friend the feeling is wrong. | Is it the interview or your English you are worried about? |
| You’ll be perfect. | It adds pressure. Nobody is perfect. | “You don’t need to be perfect. You need to be you.” |
| Everyone is nervous. | True, but it makes your friend feel small. | You’ve prepared for two weeks, so you are ready. |
| Then don’t go. | It agrees with the doubt. | “Just give it a go. What’s the worst case? You learn something.” |
Look at the episode’s friend. She does not say Don’t worry. She names a fact (“you’ve prepared for two weeks”), she lowers the bar (“You don’t need to be perfect.”), and she says the short warm phrase: “You’ve got this.” That is I know you can do it, in three words. Later she adds a line for the fear of other people with better English: “you don’t have to prove yourself to everyone in the world.”
Three chats where the same doubt appears
Chat 1: before a phone call to the bank (written for this page).
You: Can I be honest? I’m having second thoughts about calling the bank.
Friend: Why? You wrote everything down.
You: I know, but I keep second-guessing myself. What if I do not understand them?
Friend: You’ve got this. If you miss something, you can say, “Let me try that again.” Just give it a go.
Chat 2: before a speaking class (written for this page).
You: I’m not sure I can pull this off. Everyone in the class speaks better than me.
Friend: You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone. You only need to say three sentences.
You: Okay. Maybe I’m talking myself out of it.
Friend: A little bit, yes. Say the first sentence to me now.
Chat 3: an evening before a team meeting (written for this page).
You: I’m having second thoughts about speaking tomorrow. I’ll just send an email.
Friend: You can send the email, but what could you say in one sentence tomorrow?
You: “I’m new at this, so please bear with me.”
Friend: That’s a good start. You’ve got this.
The pattern repeats. The first person says what they feel in one short phrase, the friend asks one question or states one fact, and the chat ends with a very small next step: say three sentences, say one sentence, say the first sentence now.
Three questions to ask yourself when the voice starts
Sometimes there is no friend, and you have to answer your own doubt. The episode gives you three questions, and each one is easier to answer than Am I ready?
- What can I say today, even if it’s not perfect? In the episode’s words: “What can I say today, even if it’s not perfect?” It is much easier than Am I ready?, because you can answer it with one sentence.
- What would I do differently next time? The episode says this after a mistake, and it works because it makes the mistake into a lesson, not a label. For Emily, the lesson from saying “I’m so boring” was to say “I’m bored with my job.”
- What is the smallest step? The episode’s examples are small: one twenty-second voice message in English, one question to a shop assistant, three sentences about your day.
The hosts also give a short line you can keep in your pocket for the whole evening: “Doubt is a visitor, not the boss.” The visitor can sit in the room. It does not choose what you say.
Four ways to talk about doubt that make it bigger
| What people say | Why it makes the doubt bigger | A better sentence |
|---|---|---|
| I’m bad at English. | It is a label about who you are, not a fact about what happened. | I mixed up two words. |
| Everyone will notice my mistakes. | The magnifying glass is on yourself; others see the whole picture. | Nobody is looking at one word. They are listening to my idea. |
| I’ll speak when I feel ready. | The feeling arrives after many small walks, not before. | What can I say today, even if it’s not perfect? |
| I’m so slow, I’ll never learn. | It ignores progress you cannot see day by day. | I did that. Good for me. |
The first row comes straight from the podcast, where Emily says a fact tells you what happened and a label tells you who you are. The fourth row uses two short sentences the hosts suggest for noticing progress.
Practice: say it, answer it, rewrite it
1. Name the phrase
Which phrase fits each situation?
- You are not sure you can do something hard.
- You said yes, and now you want to say no.
- You change a message, change it back, and change it again.
- You notice you are stopping yourself from calling.
Answers
- I’m not sure I can pull this off.
- I’m having second thoughts.
- I keep second-guessing myself.
- I’m talking myself out of it.
2. Choose the better reply
Your friend says, I’m having second thoughts about my job interview. Which reply helps more, A or B?
- A: Don’t worry! / B: You’ve prepared for two weeks. You’ve got this.
- A: You’ll be perfect. / B: You don’t need to be perfect. You need to be you.
- A: Then maybe don’t go. / B: Just give it a go. What’s the worst case?
Answers
- B: it gives a fact and a short warm phrase.
- B: it lowers the bar, A adds pressure.
- B: it makes the next step small, A agrees with the doubt.
3. Add a fact
Write one fact about your friend’s preparation for each situation, and finish with You’ve got this.
- Your friend is nervous about a class presentation.
- Your friend has a call with a customer tomorrow.
Sample answers
- You practiced it three times with me. You’ve got this.
- You wrote your questions down yesterday. You’ve got this.
4. Rewrite the label
Rewrite each label as a fact.
- I’m hopeless at phone calls.
- I’m bad at English.
- I’m always the worst in the class.
Sample answers
- I lost my words at the end of my last call.
- I mixed up two words.
- I did not understand two questions in class today.
5. Say it out loud
- Say the three phrases from the first table, one after the other: I’m having second thoughts. I keep second-guessing myself. I’m not sure I can pull this off.
- Choose one thing you are avoiding in English. Write the smallest step, and say, I’ll give it a go.
- Send a friend this sentence: You’ve got this.
What if the doubt does not go away?
It does not have to. The nerves come with you, as the episode says: “They are visitors too.” You can feel them and still send the message or make the call. If you stumble in the middle, use the phrase that needs no drama: Let me try that again.
The phrases and the three questions on one card
- For yourself: I’m having second thoughts. / I keep second-guessing myself. / I’m not sure I can pull this off. / Maybe I’m talking myself out of it.
- For a friend: You’ve got this. / Just give it a go. / You don’t have to prove yourself to everyone. / one fact about their preparation
- Three questions: What can I say today, even if it’s not perfect? / What would I do differently next time? / What is the smallest step?
- One line to keep: Doubt is a visitor, not the boss.
Hear it in a real conversation
These phrases come from a podcast episode about self-doubt in English, with a pharmacy story, a job interview role play and a short quiz. Listen to it at normal speed and repeat the phrases out loud: Stop Doubting Yourself in English: Eight Yourself Phrases, a Pharmacy Story and an Interview Role Play.