Priya has booked a table for three. The food is good and the room is quiet. But Sam’s phone lights up, and then Leo’s, and by the time the soup arrives nobody is looking at anybody. Priya wants to say something. She is afraid of sounding like a teacher, so she says nothing, and the dinner she planned for weeks goes by one screen at a time.
The problem is not the phones. It is that she does not have a sentence ready. This page gives you three of them, plus the answers you can give when someone asks you. They come from a short part of a podcast episode, and they work with friends, family and colleagues.
(Quotes in curly marks are from the podcast episode linked at the end. Sentences in italics are written for this page unless they are marked as quotes.)
An order points at one person, a question includes everyone
Think of two ways to say the same wish: Phones away, now. and Could we put our phones away for dinner? In the episode Paul asks which one is more polite at dinner, and his answer is short: “A question sounds softer than an order.” (19:39)
There is a second difference. Put your phone away points at one person. Could we put our phones away includes the speaker, so nobody feels watched. That small we is the quiet part of the sentence, and it does most of the work.
| It sounds sharp | It sounds kind |
|---|---|
| Phones away, now. | Could we put our phones away for dinner? |
| No phones at the table. | Do you mind if we keep the phones off the table? |
| Stop checking your phone. | Let’s have a phone-free dinner tonight, just us. |
Three ways to ask, and when each one fits
The hosts give you the three sentences on the right, and Emily asks you to “Listen first, then repeat.” (12:46) Here is what each one is best for.
1. “Could we put our phones away for dinner?” (12:48) This is the plain, clear request. Use it when you are asking a group for the first time, at home or with friends. It names the time (for dinner), so everybody knows when it ends.
2. “Do you mind if we keep the phones off the table?” (12:51) This one asks for permission, so it is softer. It fits when you do not know the people well, at a work lunch or with someone older. Notice that the phones are still allowed in the room: they only stay off the table.
3. “Let’s have a phone-free dinner tonight, just us.” (12:55) This is an invitation, not a rule. The last two words, just us, give the reason: you want their company. It is the warmest of the three and works best with friends and family.
The dinner, line by line
Here is how Priya’s table could go. The conversation is written for this page. The replies in bold come straight from the episode.
Priya: Could we put our phones away for dinner? I miss hearing about your week.
Sam: Sure, good idea.
Leo: Just one second, I am sending one last message.
Priya: Of course. Tell us when you are done.
What did Priya do right? She asked a question, she used we, she named the time, and she gave a short reason with I miss. And what about Leo? He did not say no and he did not pretend. Emily’s comment on his kind of answer is: “That second one is honest, and it is still polite.” (13:08) A small yes with a time limit is still a yes, as long as the phone really goes away after the one second.
Now turn it around. Imagine you are the one on the phone. In the episode’s first role play Paul is the friend who keeps checking: “Sorry, I just need to check this.” (19:59) Emily answers kindly: “Do you mind if we keep the phones off the table tonight?” (20:01) Paul says “Oh, sure. Good idea.” (20:05)
Friend: Sorry, I just need to check this.
You: Do you mind if we keep the phones off the table tonight?
Friend: Oh, sure. Good idea.
The pattern is always the same: a small apology from the person on the phone, a kind question from you, and a short yes. Emily’s advice for your turn in the role play is: “Short and clear is enough.” (20:37)
Four ways to answer when someone asks you
You will not only ask. Sometimes your friend will say Could we put our phones away? and you will have to answer in a second. Here are four honest replies.
| Your situation | What you can say |
|---|---|
| You agree | “Sure, good idea.” (13:02) |
| You agree, but you need a moment | “just one second, I am sending one last message” (13:04) |
| You agree and show it with an action | Of course. Phones in the bag, then. |
| You cannot, because of work or something important | I’m waiting for an important call. Can I keep it face down next to my plate? |
The last row is written for this page. It matters because a good request leaves room for a real exit: if the answer cannot be yes, say why in one short sentence and offer a smaller version. Do not just say No and leave the table cold.
One more detail about Do you mind if we…? Literally, the polite answer that means yes is No, not at all. In real talk many people say Sure instead, and the episode does the same. Both are understood.
Your own phone has opening hours
A request is easier when you follow the rule yourself. Paul gives the picture: think of a shop with opening hours, and “Your phone can have opening hours too.” (15:50) You choose when it is open and when it is closed, for example after breakfast and not during dinner.
You can tell people about your hours in one sentence. The episode’s example for the comments is “my phone will be closed from seven to eight tonight.” (21:22) For a friend, you might write: My phone is closed from seven to eight tonight, so I’ll answer you after dinner. The reason a small rule works is in Emily’s words: “But a small rule is easy to start again tomorrow.” (16:12)
Three questions about phone-free meals
Is it rude to ask? Not when you ask kindly and use we. A question gives the other person a choice. An order does not.
What if someone does not want to? Offer a smaller version: Could we try it just for the main course? or Could we keep the phones off the table, but face down in your pocket? Keep the voice light and do not repeat the request three times.
Do I have to give a reason? A short one helps: I miss hearing about your week. or I want to hear everything. You do not need a speech.
Three sentences that sound sharper than you mean
- Do you mind if we keeping the phones off the table?
- Can we to put phones away?
- Put your phone away, it is rude.
Fixes (written for this page)
- Do you mind if we keep the phones off the table? After if we, use the plain verb: keep, not keeping.
- Could we put our phones away for dinner? After Could we use the plain verb, without to. Could is also softer than Can here.
- Could we put our phones away for dinner? Say what you want and include yourself, instead of telling the other person what is wrong with them.
Your turn: four short moments
1. Order or question?
Which of these sound kind? (a) No phones. (b) Could we put our phones away for dinner? (c) Phones away, now. (d) Let’s have a phone-free dinner tonight, just us.
Answers (written for this page)
(b) and (d) sound kind. (a) and (c) are orders.
2. Choose the request
Write the best of the three requests for each situation: (a) a work lunch with a client you do not know well, (b) a family dinner with your sisters, (c) a friend who always checks the phone at lunch.
Sample answers (written for this page)
- Do you mind if we keep the phones off the table?
- Let’s have a phone-free dinner tonight, just us.
- Could we put our phones away for dinner?
3. Answer three requests
A friend says: Could we put our phones away for dinner? Write one answer for each: (a) you agree, (b) you agree but need a minute, (c) you cannot because you expect an important call.
Sample answers (two from the episode, one written for this page)
- Sure, good idea.
- Just one second, I am sending one last message.
- I’m waiting for an important call. Can I keep it face down next to my plate?
4. Say it out loud
Choose the request that sounds most like you and say it three times, slowly. At your next meal this week, use it once with a real person. Then write one sentence about your own hour: My phone will be closed from ___ to ___ today.
The dinner-table lines, in one place
- Ask: Could we put our phones away for dinner? / Do you mind if we keep the phones off the table? / Let’s have a phone-free dinner tonight, just us.
- Answer yes: Sure, good idea. / Just one second, I am sending one last message.
- Answer with an exit: I’m waiting for an important call. Can I keep it face down next to my plate?
- Your own rule: My phone is closed from seven to eight tonight.
Hear it in a real conversation
Emily and Paul go through these requests, a Saturday without a phone and a dead battery at a train station, with pauses for you to repeat each sentence, in A Day Without My Phone: Habits, Distractions, Polite Requests and a Dead Battery.